Kumquat May

I have not made a Kumquat May and probably never will. I did not even look for a market in the San Diego area that might possibly carry kumquats this time of year. It was so hectic; it always is, traveling with kids. I attended my resuscitation course in Las Vegas, we went to Legoland, where they've built a miniature Las Vegas out of Lego, and to Seaworld, where Patrick was thrilled to see Shamu in action, and Caleb had a blast on the water rides. We drove around San Diego in the rain one day wondering what to do, and ended up at an air and space museum, followed by Borders, where I bought three Agatha Christie mysteries that I may or may not have previously read - I did not even think of shopping for kumquats. I was kind of out of it the whole trip, dissatisfied despite the fine weather, the successful surf lesson, the comfortable king bed at the Desert Rose Resort, the cozy ancient cabin at Redwood Hollow a block from the ocean. Now that I'm back at work, on call for 48 hours straight, I feel better. What's with that?

It could be existential despair, and I've been reading my horoscope and praying intensely trying to discover what to do, what to change. It could just be PMS, though, which is over now, and the fact that I had strep throat again, third time since January, the last two days of our trip. I was feverish and dysphagic in Winnipeg, so managed only to keep my hair appointment with the lovely David at The Vault, and did not look for passion fruit at an Asian grocery store as I'd planned to, either.

No kumquats, no passion fruit.

What I discovered so far, praying and so on, is that I am to make peace with my relatives, and also I figured out what my ideal lifestyle would be: work three days per week, no call, lots of time to read and write and walk and swim and garden and cook, with four weeks per year of walking (ie. The Pilgrim's Way in Spain, Coast-to-Coast trail across England, The Appalachian Way, etc.), four weeks per year of writing (hidden away in a cabin or camper near water so I can take breaks to swim or surf or kayak), plus a week or two at the lake in the summer and a week or two of CME. So that means ten weeks off per year, and a practice with no call, which means less income than I have now. It also means eight weeks per year away from home essentially without kids, because what I'm talking about is walking all day, or writing all day, focused activity, marathons of meditation, which I think is what I'm missing in this life of work-home commotion and family vacations... so really what I'm saying, I suppose, is that this is what I should be working towards for the future, like ten years from now, when Jule is 16 and I am 46.

So what for now?

Marathons of call instead, and a blog, I guess.